Tuesday, 28 April 2020
Crises happen in the lives of all couples. They can be big or small. Some couples divorce 2-3 years after they get married, while others live happily together for many years. And it’s not only a matter of luck — there is a simple concept that all happy couples understand: together you can cope with any problems in your family’s life.
Bright Side compiled a list of common problems that even the happiest couples can encounter. And as it turns out, they can be easily solved!
1. Extra weight
Most newlyweds gain a significant amount of weight after their wedding. Scientists from the University of Glasgow held research and came to the conclusion that newly married couples gain about 3-5 lb within the first year of their married life. In general, married people weigh 13 lb more than those who are single. Very often, the weight gain is connected with the state of psychological comfort because partners are confident in each other and therefore, let themselves relax a bit.
What to do?
Losing weight together is easier than it might seem because there will always be a person next to you sharing in your strife for a healthier lifestyle. However, nutritionists warn that men lose weight faster and it can cause some disappointment in women. The best way to get back into shape is to ride a bike, climb, and walk in the evenings.
2. The birth of children leads to a financial crisis.
The birth of children does lead to financial problems in a young family. Surveys held by NerdWallet showed that parents are almost always not ready to have kids and it doesn’t depend on their financial standing. Both middle-class and lower-income families face the lack of money.
What to do?
Start saving money long before the birth of your first child and get rid of unnecessary expenses. For example, it will be cheaper to buy a second-hand stroller, a crib, and clothing; while a baby walker, a baby carrier, and a musical car are not necessary to buy at all.
3. Conflicts with the mother-in-law
The relationship between the “daughter-in-law and mother-in-law” or the “son-in-law and mother-in-law” has been role played in anecdotes and sitcoms many times. Psychologists say that such relationships can be quite dramatic and can even harm the health condition of both sides.
The tension is especially strong in the relationship between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law. Research held in 1954 showed that 2/3 mothers-in-law were not satisfied with the wife of their son, while daughters-in-law had a negative attitude toward the mothers of their husbands. Japanese scientists have found out that women living with their mothers-in-law are more likely to experience ischemic heart disease.
What to do?
The best way to avoid conflicts with your mother-in-law is to live separately. Perhaps at first living independently can be financially more difficult but it is worth it. However, if you don’t have an opportunity to live separately, you’d better use your diplomatic skills and explain to your husband how upset you get about the debates with his mother.
4. You spend money differently.
According to statistics, one of the first reasons for a divorce are conflicts over money. After the wedding, your personal finances become joined and it becomes stressful for many — especially if one of the spouses earns more than the other. Unfortunately, due to “imaginary” generosity, couples tend to avoid talking about finances.
What to do?
Financial experts recommend discussing financial issues openly, without any shyness. You need to set priorities: will your family save money or invest it? Are you planning to make a repair or go on a vacation next year? Answering such questions will help you determine the financial strategy of your family for many years ahead.
5. You get annoyed by the habits of your partner.
After several months of living together, some habits of your second half can start annoying you. Psychologists are sure that it happens with many couples and it doesn’t mean that your love is over. Surprisingly, those habits that attracted you to your partner in the first place can start to annoy you after some time. A love for sports, a passion for reading, popularity among friends — all these are on the list of the most annoying habits.
What to do?
Accept them. Keep reminding yourself that it’s the habits of your partner that make him or her so unique. After all, you fell in love with this person partially because of these habits. If you often get irritated because of small things, pay more attention to your work and friends — it will make you miss your second half more.
6. Forgetting about important dates
A partner’s forgetfulness can make you feel sad because sometimes it is perceived as a personal insult. How can your beloved forget about your wedding day, the birthday of your lovely granny or the day of your first kiss? Turns out, even perfect people forget about important things — it can be due to a work overload or natural absent-mindedness. It can also be because those dates are not actually that significant for your spouse because the most important thing in their life is your relationship and not marks on the calendar.
What to do?
Remind your partner about important dates and events in your family’s life. It will help you avoid disappointment and your partner won’t feel shameful for their absent-mindedness.
7. You’re bored.
The first year of marriage doesn’t always look like a magical honeymoon. Sooner or later, despite expectations, the number of flowers, romantic evenings and flirty conversations start to decrease, leaving partners with a boring routine. This disappointment can be explained by the increased expectations of both partners as well as the lack of life experience. Nevertheless, most couples manage to cope with such changes in their relationship.
What to do?
Priorities of married people differ from those who are newly in love — now you have a common household, a mortgage, and perhaps, children. Due to all these things, spouses need to discuss going on a romantic date or arranging other bright events in advance. Psychologists claim that there is nothing unusual in it — the family life is all about sticking to a certain schedule and distributing duties. Plan to go on dates, romantic meetings, or to the movies — it will help you keep that spark in your relationship.
8. You are together 24/7 and it’s annoying.
There is an opinion that spouses should spend all their free time together because it strengthens the relationship and contributes to shaping up common interests. However, some couples get irritated after living this kind of life for a couple of years.
What to do?
Both partners should have their own hobbies that aren’t interesting to the other (of course, those hobbies and interests shouldn’t be destructive). There is nothing bad if you spend your weekend separately — it only contributes to strengthening the relationship.
9. Bad friends
Not only do newlyweds get new relatives but they get friends as well. Very often, the friends of either partner aren’t welcomed in the new family. In a new marriage, it might seem like friends take up too much space in the family’s life and that they influence the partner in a bad way.
What to do?
Let your second half have a best friend who is not you. It can be difficult to accept this thought but it might be really interesting for your partner to communicate with other people. Geoffrey Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland, is sure that friends are important for keeping good relationships inside the family. This includes not only common friends but also your partner’s childhood buddies who have known them for many years.
Don’t criticize the personality of a friend who is unpleasant to you — criticize their actions (if there are any). Try to become their friend too or at least try to change your attitude toward them; keep in mind that a first impression can often be wrong. Finally, let your partner have friends aside from you! You can’t control all the aspects of your partner’s life.
10. You have different sleeping regimens.
In the ’70s, scientists learned about circadian rhythms and found that there were so-called larks who wake up early in the morning, active and full of energy. Conversely, there were also owls who were more active in the evening. What if the representatives of these 2 groups decide to create a family? This union can cause some inconveniences and can even be bad for one’s health.
What to do?
Different biological rhythms disturb a happy marriage in no way, as long as both people can manage to find a compromise. For example, while your spouse is sleeping, you can do many tasks that will be beneficial for the family.
11. Household duties are unevenly distributed.
Despite living in the 21st century, stereotypes about the division of labor by gender are still there in many families — a woman must maintain a home’s coziness (even if she works all day long), while a man must bring home the bacon. Such positions can lead to insults and confrontations.
What to do?
Discuss questions about the division of household chores before the marriage. And of course, try to take the best from the epoch of scientific and technical progress you’re living in — dishwashers, multi-cookers, and bread makers can help solve many household issues. Moreover, if you start using the service of automatic payments for home utilities, the debates about whose turn it is to pay another electricity bill will not even arise. Much to the joy of today’s spouses, old stereotypes have already started to fade away and women can manage big corporations, while men often take paternal leave to stay at home with their kids.
12. You’ve started to argue over trifles.
Psychologists claim that crises happen in every marriage — they happen when the dissatisfaction of partners reaches its peak. However, there are advantages in crises too — they give you a chance to refresh the relationship and shift it to a new level. Has your kind, conflict-free partner turned into a furious person and started to argue over trifles, while your home turned into a battlefield? Sorry to inform you, but it’s likely that your behavior is far from being perfect as well.
What to do?
Don’t try to change your partner; such attempts only lead to a surge of indignation. Instead, learn to listen to their opinion. Unfortunately, people close to each other can hurt each other more because they know each other’s vulnerable spots. That’s why patience and respect to your partner’s feelings are the things that will get your marriage out of a crisis.
13. He stares at other girls.
rest in someone else? Should it be a reason for a crazy scandal or should such actions go unnoticed? There is no single answer to this question. Some people claim that feeling worried about your partner looking at other women is the problem of the person who is worried, while other people are sure that it’s a sign of an upcoming crisis in a relationship.
What to do?
Don’t keep silent and your partner about your dissatisfaction. Perhaps he really didn’t think about anything bad and the reason lies in your own self-doubt.
Do you agree with our list? Is there anything you would like to add? Please tell us about it in the comments!